Download Torn Asunder Recovering From an Extramarital Affair Dave Carder Dr John Townsend Duncan Jaenicke Books

Product details Paperback 320 pages Publisher Moody Publishers; New edition (October 1, 2008) Language English ISBN-10 0802471358

Torn Asunder Recovering From an Extramarital Affair Dave Carder Dr John Townsend Duncan Jaenicke Books Reviews

• This book is a must have for adultery recovery. Often we try to sweep issues under the rug. This book brings light and exposure to these areas to determine the root, as well as allow healing. We used this book in our marriage class with excellent feedback. There is just one part I don't completely agree with in regards to vividly hypothetically explaining a made up adultery scenario to an unrepentant spouse, but other than that--excellent.
• Having read several of the reviews by individuals, I thought several of their comments were dead on. I could see how someone reading this book and not being the infidel could have the perspective they could have. I believe as the one being the infidel that you must be truly understanding your sin. The holy spirit will be working in you over time. You can't eat, you can't sleep. The holy spirit starts working in you immediately. It is the most life transforming event I have ever experienced. I do not wish this upon anyone, on either side of the equation, the deceived or the infidel. The infidel must own his or her sin completely. Their CHOICE is not in any way chosen by the deceived. The ideal of bringing up how the deceived contributed to the state is realistic one. It by no means excuses the sin of the infidel. The idea behind this is to help the future move toward reconciliation. To not go through this process would imply that the deceived is perfect and they could not have done anything to have helped the condition of the relationship before the affair. The problem for the infidel was a lack of communication before choosing the affair. We are underestimating the power of Satan and the greatest deceiver of them all into entering the world of fantasy which is an affair. Couples must understand that Satan is constantly trying to work to tear the marriage apart. The idea of the author identifying the part the deceived played in the affair is to help reconciliation and so that it will never happen again. If someone denies intimacy, respect and support to their spouse and their spouse never commits adultery, society would identify this latter behavior as wrong. We are called to submit to our spouses. These contribute to the state of the marriage, but not to the choice of adultery. Trust me this is a hard subject to swallow. This situation requires a great understanding of grace, God's undying desire for reconciliation and his hate for marriage. This is a long process, but the journey is well worth it!
• This is a challenging subject, and it takes readers out of their comfort zone. It forces you to be open and helps you take practical actions to help your marriage and get to the root of the problem - not just provide a band-aid.
• The book reveals great insight on how to deal with adultry. It makes one understands what leads to adultry and steps to be followed in dealing with it. What the spouses need to do in order to fully heal irrespective of whether they stay in marriage or divorce. I believe anyone can benefit from this book even if they're not facing adultry in their lives
• Everyone should read it not only people that have gone through an infidelity problem it makes you see a reality that is no always clear to you
• it's got some great helpful ideas but very clinical in nature...wasn't what we needed...we would have needed someone to guide us through it I believe...it may be just perfect for someone else but not so much our situation.
• Recovering from her affair has been difficult. This book and the accompanying workbook have been a savior for us. Next to our Bible, this is the best book I own. Would recommend going to therapy in conjunction with reading and discussing the book together. We are recovering our marriage, and this book has been a key.
• Torn Asunder Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
  Written by Dave Carder (Moody Press, rev. 1995)
  Reviewed by Pastor Ed Vasicek
  I first heard Dave Carder at the Moody Bible Institute's pastor's conference in 2000. After attending his workshop about counseling situations involving marital infidelity, I returned home and immediately ordered his book. I was not disappointed.
  Torn Asunder was written for those somehow connected to marital affairs, including prodigal spouses, their mates, pastors, counselors, or concerned friends. It is easy to understand, thoroughly evangelical in conviction, and based on the author's practical counseling experience and keen observation. It offers clear direction and principals upon which to build.
  The book is divided into three main sections. The first division, "Understanding Extramarital Affairs" contains five chapters which distinguish types of affairs, causes, and factors that contribute toward improper relationships. The second subdivision boasts six chapters and is titled, "Healing from Affairs." The last three chapters tie up a few miscellaneous loose ends and are sectioned off as , "Special Circumstances."
  The author writes clearly, simply, and informatively. He provides only a few necessary statistics (e.g., 50 to 65% of husbands and 45-55% of wives have had extra-marital affairs by the age of 40) as well as some surprising insights "Young wives today are actually having affairs at a faster rate than same-aged men..."
  Some of Carder's material is questionable. For example, the author describes the types of personalities that are more affair-prone than others without backing up his claims through documented studies. Most of what he says in this volume, however, does ring true to reality.
  Carder offers a lot of meaty information. A few helpful statements include "In sporadic, longer-lasting affairs, the spouse will need about two years to recover..." and, "The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused the spouse." He does not minimize the pain and anger involved in these traumatic situations.
  Carder views infidelity as not just indicative of a troubled individual, but rather indicative of a troubled marriage relationship involving both partners. He writes, "The goal for both to figure out is what emotional and physical nurturance did the infidel receive from the affair that was unavailable in the marriage?"
  I recommend this book to those struggling with recovery from infidelity, pastors, counselors, people-helpers, or anyone interested in a Christian perspective as to the causes, prevention, and recovery of marital affairs. It is thorough, sensitive, clear, balanced, and faithful to the Scriptures.